Much has changed in my life since my last sad posting of Charlie's passing. More than two years full of growth and renewal has passed. It's been a challenging, rich and very rewarding 2 years. With the help of my wise dad, I opened my heart up to life again during a once in a lifetime trip to Europe with him to pick up a Ferrari and tour some great countryside and see some old friends and family there. I got over some fears that were holding me back, one being my fear of being confined on a plane 30,000 feet in the sky...another was my fear of letting people into my world again... Since that wonderful trip with my dad--where I spent some long overdue father/daughter time with my dad, I opened up to life again. I lost some weight, got in shape, enjoyed friends in a whole new way, found love, in myslelf, in life, friends, family, and in a magical man named Alex from Austin. I rented out my house in Santa Rosa, CA. I found an amazing opportunity to live my dreams... I'm not afraid to live my life anymore. Taking risks now is all part of the fun and the work. I remembered how to trust in the process of life.
Now it has come to this: I am living my dreams. I practice loving every day. I practice opening up to new things. I practice being kind to myself and others, to supending my judgments and to believing that things will always work out for the best. And that...Life is good... It's up to me to create my life the way I want it, to think positive thoughts that frame and construct the world that I want to live in each day, and to making good things happen in my life. As Mike Dooley from www.tut.com says, "Thoughts become things. Choose the good ones!"
The dreams I have formerly held at bay and have now created into my life are:
I manage an amazing art studio and gallery and help people create art from the heart...all day! I also help them sell their artwork, help them to cultivate more self-esteem and a stronger sense of who they are as a valuable person in the world through their creativity and productive industrialism. Granted, I had to travel nearly two thousand miles to Austin, Texas from home in paradisical Northern California to find this dream job. The important part to me is: I found it! And low and behold, I love my work, and I love all the great people I have the pleasure to work with. I'm grateful for my relationship with Alex; it's a safe place for me to keep growing and learning with another intelligent and loving person--and somehow, weare able to explore our relationship all with kindness and respect for one another. What a gift! And I'm learning to love my new life in Texas--especially as the triple digit hot temps are now fading into cooler rainy days. The people here are so warm, kind and genuine. And they are fun and funky! Life is good. I feel pretty damn lucky.
1 comment:
Wow, it is interesting to look back at my own posts and see what I was experiencing at the time. Reading this post from my time in Austin shows me how much I was trying so very hard to make 3000 things work well. All with an inauthentic happy face to mask the "Waaaahhhh! This-is-nuts!-feeling in my gut while I was riding that gnarly wave. I see now why I fried my adrenals and pulled my shtuscle... Live and learn.
I needed that hairy experience to see myself in that way more clearly, and I'm grateful for the learning. And very grateful that I'm able to bring my body's equilibrium helath back, too. I'm paying attention a little more, and will hopefully stop myself next time before I try and take on so much in so little time. My training is to jump in at 90 miles an hour, take on the world. But if I'm to accept RESPONSibility for how I create my life, I will choose not to do this to my Self again. With this deeper awareness, I give myself more permission to allow my Self to go at a slower pace each day. The mind races us from point X to point Y. Soul moves in Baby Steps. As a new friend, Jeff Brown says in his book, Soulshaping, "Growers are inchworms."
This is a good moment for me to recognize again, more deeply than I did the last time around, how important it is for me to honor my inner rhythms, no matter how slow they may be. It will take continual practice. One step here, another over there. The path to growth and self-discovery is not linear. It may look funny to others walking this way of truth stepping, but it's essential to walk in our own path if we are to reach the other side of each and every one of our soul treks. Journey on...but let yourself take those Baby Steps.
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