Giggling through the Brambles

Very often in life, I find myself bogged down with the prickly details of practical life.  Like thorns on a bush, the practicalities of life can feel so jarring to me when I just want to go to my happy place.  But what if we can go to our happy place while we're shlepping through the practical trivialities?  What if we can chop our wood and carry our water with delight?  What if we can find out how to giggle through the drudge, through the pain, through the tears.  Or, at least, after them.  Actually, that is usually what happens for me.  Once I've moved through a tough feeling, a dull practical task, I can access my delight in life more truly.  And I find this to be even more true and more delicious when I have someone with me to giggle with.

I used to visit my grand uncle John in Qualicum Beach on Vancouver Island.  We would go to the local raspberry fields to pick raspberries.  I have tender memories of my 90 year-old Uncle John giggling over at me through the raspberry brambles.  We would stay there for what felt hours just giggling together with loving eyes.  That experience touched me more deeply than many.  He showed me a sweetness and delight that I could enjoy with men.  Something I will be forever grateful to him for.

But the metaphor is clear to me.  Can we meet each other in the brambles of life with a giggle?  It makes negotiating through the brambles that much easier, smoother and sweeter.  I know I enjoy eating a meal when it is shared with others from my soul pod.  I can take deep nourishment in the silent meal.  But something magical happens when we share a moment with someone who feels sweet to us, who meets us in each moment with a real aliveness and kindness.  And with a heart-felt sharing...  Let's giggle together with our hearts open.  Of course, after a good cry.

Authentic Movment Group Forming in Santa Rosa, CA

Authentic Movement, as is stated on wikipedia, is an expressive improvisational movement practice that allows a group of participants a type of free association of the body. It was started by Mary Starks Whitehouse in the 1950s as "movement in depth".

"When starting a basic AM session, participants start in a comfortable position, eyes closed to sense their inner body-mind processes. They then wait for stimuli to arise within them, and follow each impulse expressing movement or sound. Taking the form of sudden jerks, yells or prolonged gesticulations (or whatever the participant feels compelled do), individuals move through the space entirely free from any direction or expectation. This allows people to explore psychological processes as they arise into kinaesthetic responses of movement or sound."

I first learned of Authentic Movement in 1999 when I first began my graduate studies in depth psychology through Suzanne Lovell's Masters Program in Art Therapy at Sonoma State University.  We would meet at an old dance hall in the countryside.  The hall had old hardwood floors to move on, and gardens outside to sit and have a quiet lunch or connect with other movers during break.

The entire process was a total game-changer for me.  I was forever changed by the world it led me to, a deep imaginal world.  It was my first true relationship with what Carl Jung refers to as the personal and collective unconscious, in an embodied experience.  It was there and then that I experienced going into my Deep Blue Seas of imaginal process, where I had rich inner dialogues with my higher consciousness, and tapped into the collective conscious with ancestors who've passed away, and with other movers who were also tapping into the collective unconscious in their own deep process.  It was in Authentic Movement where I first made a true connection with the interior world of my body, with presence and deeper awareness.

Through the shamanic skill of our seasoned facilitator, I was invited into a new world of compassionate communication, witnessing my own imaginal process as well as the process of others, and juicy, authentic relating.  We were reminded to speak from our own experience, using the first person pronoun, and to become aware of how easily we move into projecting our stuff onto others during the sharing process.  Often we'd then learn how to recognize and avoid our projections with compassionate redirection from the facilitator.  It all brought on big growth that came with many a trigger from something someone was doing or saying that bugged me.  I started to see how all of "their" stuff was in me, especially if I was triggered by it.  The deep imaginal process of each movement, the conscious relating work...This was all very gritty work!  And I knew on a deeper level I would later return to it one day.

Years later, it is now 2011, and plenty of time has passed.  I've used it to experience the magical mystery tour of practical life.  In that time, I've watched myself grow more and more distant from that rich world of being a mover, as I've had to learn to immerse myself inside the big think tank of an overstimulated culture.  In my 12 year sabbatical from AM, I've had time to think and dream of starting up an Authentic Movement Group myself.  I've decided that it's time, time to move.  Not in the popular cultural term, but in the embodied sense.  It's time to move my body, and go down into its deeper levels of knowing and awareness.

I miss being a Mover and the process of going inward with other movers.  I miss the process of being the Compassionate Witness who holds the group's space for others to safely move and be seen with non-judgment and compassion.   I miss the deep imaginal work that goes with each movement, and the process time of making art images about the places I'd journey to in my movements.

I miss the group sharing that followed each movement.   That was a place I learned of a kinder, more conscious way of relating with others.  I learned about tolerance on a cellular level.  I learned how to see myself in the process of others.  I learned how to own my own stuff, and notice when I was projecting my stuff onto others.  Through my deep imaginal dives during the movements, I learned to use my body's intrinsic wisdom of spontaneous and free movement to release old garbage from my childhood.  With different moves and sounds, I moved into and then let go of old hurts and old beliefs that I'd been carrying around in my body for years.  I had conversations with family members, telling them things I didn't know how to say in person.  I'd let myself have a tantrum that I was never allowed as a child, I'd pretend to be a tiger or a snake.  I'd encounter other movers who wanted to engage with me as their own animal spirit, all while keeping our eyes closed and our hearts open.  I had conversations with ancestors and family members long gone. I even dialogued with parts of my body and went inward to sit with that body part on an imaginal level. This was weird and wonderful stuff!

At first, I often wondered what a stranger coming onto the scene would think.  Then, my concerns for external approval began to drop, likely due to my own increased connection to Self.  With that new level of awareness, I began to experiment with outwardly expressing my inner experience in bolder ways, curious to know what it would feel like to push the edges of how much I care about how I was being perceived.  I'd yell out, "You don't care about me!" to actualize a childhood feeling toward a parent.  Sometimes someone would respond from their own process to combine it with mine, "No, I don't care!"  Sometimes it would spark a giggle from the knowledge that we were traversing taboo territory.  Sometimes it would elicit slow sobbing from someone who felt triggered.  Often, strange and wonderful synchronicities would emerge from multiple movers to create a healing catalyst within a collectively held experience.  We would share about the wonder and mystery of it all afterwards in the circle.

In sharing about this part of my process, I see that I'm pushing the boundaries once more.  I'm letting go of what the reader will think of all this.  And I'm embracing the spirit of authentic sharing and relating.  I hope it inspires the same in you, in whatever way that feels true for you.

The following is the description for the Authentic Movement Group I am creating on Meetup.com's website:

http://www.meetup.com/Authentic-Movement-Group/
 
This group is designed for both experienced and inexperienced movers. Authentic movement is a practice of being in one's body and spirit within a controlled area that is safe to move freely in, explore ones inner edges, explore how our body-spirits want to be expressed in each moment, and to connect deeper with one's inner experience.  The premise for each session is held within the framework of non-judgment, and is an opportunity for each mover to develop ones own compassionate witness and a deeper connection to Self.

There will be a main Witness to hold the space while each mover embarks on her imaginal journey. After each movement session, we will have time to sit in a circle where we will write and make art about our movement process, and then share our personal experiences within the group.  Both the movements and group communication will be facilitated by a Registered Art Therapist.  We will practice compassionate communication from an authentic voice, speaking from the First Person.  This is a practice of owning our personal experience while developing respectful listening and witnessing skills, allowing for deeper compassion for the personal experience of others. This is a process oriented, body-centered awareness practice for movers in and around the Santa Rosa area.

As a newly forming group, once there are 5 confirmed movers signed up, we can then set a time for our first movement together.  The venue will likely be in the countryside at the old Alpine Hall on St. Helena Road.  I look forward to sharing the journey together.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Authentic_Move...

A Jenn Recommend: Soulshaping, a beautiful book

Every once in a while, I'll come across a piece of literature that touches me deeply. Such is the case with Soulshaping: A Journey of Self-Creation, by Jeff Brown. He shares his soulful journey from the "School of Heart Knocks." And the reader is privileged to walk with him through his unfolding story that is sure to open many hearts. He writes, "To craft the truest image, we need to make soul-tracking fundamental to our daily consciousness. And we need to develop and utilize our inner tools. The most important tool is schtuscle - inner muscle, the soul-driven determination to overcome whatever obstacles come our way. Without schtuscle, and lots of it, we're not getting home." He adds, "At the heart of the challenge is the courage to be vulnerable. Although the world rewards insensitivity with the spoils of war, it takes more courage to surrender than to numb. So often our most damaged people are the most advanced and feeling souls. They feel everything and are more strongly impacted by the disparity between an authentic life and the falsified energy of the world. We have to never surrender our right to surrender."

I was so touched by his story and his sharing, by his wit and his courage that I contacted him a couple of weeks ago. I had a soulful phone conversation with him earlier this week, and I have to tell you, the energy sparked from our talk tiddlywinked new growth and self-creation momentum in me. He's a very special person, and his work is nothing short of brilliant. He speaks of the stuff that we all know is the truth deep down, but he's the only one I hear singing it from the mountaintops. And with a skill in witty, salient articulation that will grab your soul's attention. I hope you give yourself the opportunity to read his writing, either through his book, or on his website: www.soulshaping.com. Trust me; you will be so glad that you did.

The War Dance Between Monkey Mind & Body Time

Today as I spend time trying out paint colors on the house exterior in a semi-mad rush to find the one color I like best, I'm paying special attention to how much my mind pushes my body to serve it's purpose above all else. The mind really is a slave driver, if we let it. I've watched myself all day, and I catch myself in in slave mode dutifully responding to my mind's commands of "Hurry! Try another paint color. Come on, pick up the pace. Get as much as you can done in time for the painters as it's rock and roll time tomorrow...You don't really have to drink water yet, right? You can work a little more, jusssst a little more... Hey, wait a minute, who said you could stop...No bathroom break!" I have to constantly tell it to back the f$%k off. In fact, as I type this, I notice that I've put off some more of my body's needs; I need to drink lots and lots of water and eat a healthy lunch. Self-care. What a divine concept! I wish that we all will care more for ourselves, and treat ourselves more dearly... Even slow it down. Take a moment. Listen. Our health is precious and the work will always be there.

The more I grow into my sense of self, the more I realize how important it is for me to STAY in my body-- or go back into it if I've checked out for a while. Which does happen, more often than I wish. My body works so hard for me. It's so good to me. I long for a more embodied life. I want to offer my body more loving gestures of care and nourishment. I have great resources; I just need to practice them more devoutly. My hikes in Mama Nature are like medicine for my soul, and my body loves them, too. But I need more time doing body-centered things. Dance more. Maybe take my friend Erin up on her African Dance class offer. Maybe start Yoga up again. I'm giving myself permission to let myself stop what I'm doing and get into my body with something that I'm drawn to in that moment.

My work: I have to keep listening to the loving voice deep inside who reminds me to care for myself when I stray. "Why don't you take a moment to do some stretches. It'll feel sooooo good." And that voice is always right. Like a wise grandmother who is always watching, always caring, I need to give her more credence, take her more seriously. I need to listen carefully and lovingly to what she has to say, and to stop dismissing her. She's a wise old bird, and her voice is an integral part of me and has everything to do with my chances for becoming all that I desire in this life.

In this fast-paced world of "Get 'er done," I'm so grateful that she's there and caring for me. What's that? Oh yes. I think it's time for some fresh organic lemonade... And then, ooooh, maybe a nice long stretching session... in the garden. I could also take my feet for a walk on the trail. Hmmnn. The soles of my feet have been craving the raw earth lately... And there is always the delight of taking my body to Harbin for a soak...

Let your ideas of more body time tiddlywink you from mere whispers into concrete response, and eventually a more embodied you.

So my question to you is- what gesture of loving-kindness can you offer your body right now? Whatever it is, I hope you accept the offer.

Giving Ourselves Enough Time to Be, Feel & Process

How often during the day, do we brush our inner experience, our feelings aside? How many times do we tell ourselves, just as a busy parent tells a child, "Not now; I'm busy!" How long can we go along that mode of doing, doing, doing, thinking, producing, until we stop and give ourselves the time to just be, to just feel and to process on the inside what is happening all around us? And stay with me now, just beyond that lies the question: How much time do we give ourselves to feel what's happening inside of us?

Well, I'm 45 now, and even as an art therapist who is trained to pay attention to the interior life of feelings, I found myself in burnout last January. I was fried. Body, mind and soul. I let time pass for so long without giving myself the nourishment my inner parts needed to be properly fed, that I'd just reached the end of the marathon I put myself on, without ever reaching the finish line. You know, the one we create in our minds? Yes, that finish line:) Somehow, I let my mind take over, my ego run the show most of the time, and left few windows for inner felt experience. I was going there, to that place inside, but only just enough so that I could check it off my list and rush on to the next thing. I never really gave myself permission to sit long enough with my inner experience, the embodied feeling experience, not the thinking version.

After much inner process work to get myself back in my body, to get my body back to whole and healed, and to reconnect myself more deeply with my inner voice and my inner experience, I am just now feeling myself come back to center. I'm a therapist; this should come easily, right? Well, I'm here to tell you that we all have to work at staying with our feelings, maintaining a deep connection with ourselves. No one has a free hall pass. We all must do the daily awareness work. And we must all be good parents to ourselves, and take time to say "Yes, I'm here. What do you need?" to our inner child, our tender self that is still there inside us, no matter what age.

It's hard to do this alone. I recommend finding others who you feel safe with, who also are interested in taking nice soulful scuba dives, as a fresh change from the more common snorkels we do with our friends on a daily basis. If you don't have anyone you feel can go to the deep end of the pool with you, perhaps it's time to find some new soul brothers and sisters? Cultivate a new circle of friends who can meet you on that bridge to forever, the path of discovery. We all need people in our lives who help us grow, to keep us true to our soul's code, to inspire us to dig deeper. It's our relationships with the people we share these meaningful moments with that delineate our growing edge, and elicit our true potential. When we relate with self, we become aware. When we relate with other, we have the chance to become who we are meant to be.

I dare ya'. Go out there and make a new friend today with the intention of a new soul connection.

Enjoy your discoveries along the journey.

Check out my art therapy service listing on thumbtack.com

I just heard about thumbtack.com, and liked it enough to list my business on it. It is free to services like mine, so I'm delighted to give it a try. The New York Times seems to give it very positive reviews. And I do like how easy it is to navigate their site. I love it when social networking is user friendly!

Bringing my work experience to the Berkeley Community

I'm so excited to be back in Northern California. Austin was great. The people were the best. I loved my work as the Program Director for The Arc of the Arts Studio and Gallery. Helping the program and the artists there to grow in the first two years was both scary and exciting; it also helped me to grow as a manager, a business woman, and a therapist. I enjoyed watching others grow and succeed, as much as I felt I was growing and succeeding. I was honored to have the chance to work with such amazing people there; I will always be touched by their integrity, humor and compassion, which added so much to my life. My only hope is that I added much to their lives, as well. After two years of bad allergies there, I decided to move back to Northern California where the air and trees agree with my lungs. And to pursue my heart's next desire of practicing Art Therapy with couples, individuals and children. My plans to open an Art Therapy practice are well underway, and I am eager to bring my 11 years of experience into my own business in a thriving Art Therapy Practice, where I can help people to
*see themselves with compassion
*grow, differentiate, and learn to take better care of themselves
*develop healthy intimacy with their partner
*discover a new relationship with themselves, and
*realize their own dreams and personal potentials
Please visit my website: www.jennifergildredarttherapy.com

Meetings with SCORE

In the past two weeks now, I have been meeting with the very resourceful people at SCORE to go over all aspects of starting a sound business. They are helping me put together a great business plan, and to be thorough in the financial projection reports. Today I met with an attorney a few blocks from the capital. She works with SCORE and was very helpful in informing me of many important legal aspects to consider, such as LLC vs. Sole Proprietorship, or 501 c (3). The folks at SCORE have been so wonderful. I'm very grateful to them for being so accessible and willing to help.

Gearing up to Move Home & Start My Own Art Therapy Private Practice

The last few months have been busy with researching the data and information that will go into my business plan to start an art therapy practice back home in Northern California. I'm grateful for the wonderful opportunity to run an art studio here in Austin, but I miss home, and would like to start my private practice. It is time. I have thought about doing this for many years now. And now I am excited to have a funding opportunity to get one going. The dream has a chance to be made visible! When not busy at work at the Arc of the Arts Studio here in Austin, I'm busy at home reading and surfing the web to gather all the information I need to complete a business plan. But there is not much time. The offer is very time sensitive, and I'm scrambling to meet this short deadline to make this dream come true. I found an amazing program called Creativity Queen online while reading through the SCORE website. The founder's name is Laura Dessauer, and she also happens to be an Art Therapist. What she has created looks fantastic. And much of it looks like what I would like to be doing in CA. I'm hoping to connect with her in the next week to see if she can help me finalize my business plan in time. Tonight Alex and I are working on getting the website up and started with photos and text. Things are moving along quickly. I have high hopes.

I love my work and the people I work with!

Much has changed in my life since my last sad posting of Charlie's passing. More than two years full of growth and renewal has passed. It's been a challenging, rich and very rewarding 2 years. With the help of my wise dad, I opened my heart up to life again during a once in a lifetime trip to Europe with him to pick up a Ferrari and tour some great countryside and see some old friends and family there. I got over some fears that were holding me back, one being my fear of being confined on a plane 30,000 feet in the sky...another was my fear of letting people into my world again... Since that wonderful trip with my dad--where I spent some long overdue father/daughter time with my dad, I opened up to life again. I lost some weight, got in shape, enjoyed friends in a whole new way, found love, in myslelf, in life, friends, family, and in a magical man named Alex from Austin. I rented out my house in Santa Rosa, CA. I found an amazing opportunity to live my dreams... I'm not afraid to live my life anymore. Taking risks now is all part of the fun and the work. I remembered how to trust in the process of life.

Now it has come to this: I am living my dreams. I practice loving every day. I practice opening up to new things. I practice being kind to myself and others, to supending my judgments and to believing that things will always work out for the best. And that...Life is good... It's up to me to create my life the way I want it, to think positive thoughts that frame and construct the world that I want to live in each day, and to making good things happen in my life. As Mike Dooley from www.tut.com says, "Thoughts become things. Choose the good ones!"

The dreams I have formerly held at bay and have now created into my life are:

I manage an amazing art studio and gallery and help people create art from the heart...all day! I also help them sell their artwork, help them to cultivate more self-esteem and a stronger sense of who they are as a valuable person in the world through their creativity and productive industrialism. Granted, I had to travel nearly two thousand miles to Austin, Texas from home in paradisical Northern California to find this dream job. The important part to me is: I found it! And low and behold, I love my work, and I love all the great people I have the pleasure to work with. I'm grateful for my relationship with Alex; it's a safe place for me to keep growing and learning with another intelligent and loving person--and somehow, weare able to explore our relationship all with kindness and respect for one another. What a gift! And I'm learning to love my new life in Texas--especially as the triple digit hot temps are now fading into cooler rainy days. The people here are so warm, kind and genuine. And they are fun and funky! Life is good. I feel pretty damn lucky.